“I’ve got some good news and some bad news” the doctor says. “What’s the bad news?” asks the patient. “The bad news is that
unfortunately you’ve only got 3 months to live”. The patient is taken back, “What’s the good news then Doctor?”. The doctor points
over to the secretary at the front desk, “You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to
heaven?”, the patient shakes his head and the doctor replies, “I’m fucking her.”

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and
the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, “How the hell can you stay down this deep
without equipment?” The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, “You asshole, I’m drowning.”

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, “You want to play ‘Magic’?” She says, “What’s that?” He says, “We go to my house and
fuck, and then you disappear.”

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters,
and won’t eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, “What’s for supper?” “You’ll
see”, says his dad. They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they’re eating. “Ok,” says her dad, “here’s a hint,
its what your mother sometimes calls me.” “We’re eating asshole!!”, she screams.

A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy.
“What’s going on here?”, he asks. The guy sobs, “I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took
all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up.” The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and
whipped out his dick. “I guess this isn’t your lucky day, pal!

A guy is horny a hell - but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5.00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it. She
says “I’m sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!” The guy gets the room,
but has nothing to fuck. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon. Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor
bird and just fucks the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.

Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, “I got lots of money now…give me a hooker!”.

The Madame replies “All of them are busy now, why don’t you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?”. The guy does, and is
enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, “Hey, these chicks really know what they’re doing huh?”, The guy
responds, “Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy fucking a pigeon!”

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says “Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say

something you don’t mean?” The Second guy says “Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter

had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for ‘two tickets to Pittsburgh’ I asked for ‘two tickets to Titsburgh’ The First guy

says, “Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying ‘Honey can you please pass me the sugar?’, I

said ‘You’ve ruined my life you FUCKING BITCH’

One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots. The sheriff says
“Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?” Billy-Bob replies “Well sheriff, it’s a long
story!” Sheriff says he isn’t in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story. Billy-Bob continues “Well sheriff, me and
Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did.” “Inside the barn we
started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we
did.” “Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the
same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said
“Okay Billy-Bob, go to town…”

Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary’s pussy. The next afternoon, they
go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, “Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!”
The waiter says, “Can I help you, sir?” Gary yells, “There’s a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!” The waiter
apologizes up and down as he quickly takes the spaghetti away. Mary looks over at Gary, and shaking her head, she whispers, “What a
hypocrite you are. You spent most of last night with your face full of hair.” Gary says, “Yeah? Well, how long do you think I’d have
stayed if I found a piece of spaghetti in there?”

A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger fucking his wife. He says, “What the hell are you two
doing?” His wife turns to the stranger and says, “I told you he was stupid.”

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman’s vagina. The husband covered her with a

coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to

entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.

The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn’t rise to the occasion. “if neither of you objects,” the medic said,

“I could give it a try.”

Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband

watched with increasing alarm as the doctor’s thrust continued for several long minutes. “Hey, What the hell is happening?”

“Change of plans,” The physician panted. ” I’m going to drown the little bastard!.”

As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a
china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the
floor where it smashes.

To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife “What’s up with all
the notes?”, to his wife which replies, “Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are.”

It’s when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper
in her ear “Your sister was better than you…”, and try to hold on for 8 seconds!

One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, “My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I have to put my legs in the air for him.”, and her friend replied, “Why? Don’t you have a vase?”

One day a girl decided to buy some crotchless panties to surprise her boyfriend. She went and bought them, got home, put them on and waited. When the boyfriend got home there she was spread eagle on the bed with only her panties and bra on. “Come over here baby.” she says smiling. The boyfriend backs off, “If your pussy can do that to your panties - I ain’t going any where near it!”